Annual hate post about that filthy city

I used to live in Berlin for over 5 years. This article partially describes my experience. If you don’t know me, you can read about my background here as it’s probably relevant for my comparison. To put it shortly, I grew up in a relatively conservative family in a small city of Pilsen in Czechia.

I actually don’t hate the city. However, overall, it didn’t suit my taste at all. In order to maintain some balance, I will also make a list of things I liked about the city.

The order of the list is random, I just spit out what came to my mind.

1) Lack of nice and historical buildings

Since Berlin was destroyed in WW2, there are not many nice and historical buildings. There is no oldtown. Areas that are considered to be pretty and good looking (e.g. Bergammannkiez) look like regular streets in Prague. The whole East Berlin is made out of ugly socialistic blocks of flats.

There are only a few pedestrian-only streets and you can expect no picturesque cobblestone aisles anywhere. One can find a lot of interesting, odd or cool places in Berlin but you would rarely say “oh, this is beautiful”.

2) The Hype and Competition

Berlin is very hyped, especially among young and liberal people. That being said, they move in into the city in swarms. (I was one of them)

Therefore, the competition is BIG, for example when it comes to finding a room or an apartment.

If you want to get one, you have to prepare a lot of documents and you should expect a queue of other 50 people for an apartment visit. The gentrification is strong with this one.

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3) Dirt

The city is dirty. You will find quite a lot of trash in the streets. Inside the vehicles and in the stations of the public transportation system, there is often disgusting stench, especially in the U-Bahn. A lot of beggars and homeless people are an addition to it (they are mostly nice and well behaved but of course not very clean). Everything is sprayed, graffiti is an ubiquitous feature of Berlin. Sometimes is looks but usually it does not.

I am definitely not a sensitive nor very tidy person but sometimes even I was annoyed by that.

4) Social isolation and loneliness

Many people move to Berlin because of the anonymity that it offers. Also, many people go to Berlin only for several years (like me). This and many other reasons lead to something, that e.g. DW calls isolation plague. They even call Berlin the capital of loneliness. (and yes, it was before corona crisis)

People often don’t want to bind. This is reflected in so many aspects of life - for example, in dating, the percentage of people only wanting sex (no binding) is very high. I am sure many people enjoy anonymity, however, people who don’t have the ability to socialize easily will have a harder time.

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5) No beer culture

This one is not important but my personal taste. People usually do not visit beer gardens for a freshly drafted beer. They prefer to go to a Späti (late night shop), buy a bottled beer, and go to overcrowded Mauerpark. I guess it’s part of my culture, switching cozy bars and drinking beer as it’s cheaper than water. I miss it there.

6) Hipsters everywhere

You will see them everywhere in the city center. They can be sitting on uncomfortable design chairs, sipping overpriced organic coffee with soya milk typing on their Macs, or hanging out in parks drinking Club Maté discussing how cool Berlin is.

Confession: I guess one of the things I hate is that everyone in the city seems to really enjoy the time there and I just can’t.

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7) Berlin is flat

I love the mountains. I might be spoiled by the hilly landscape of Czechia as I hate how flat Berlin is. If you want to go to mountains, the closest proper ones are actually at the Czech border.

Wandering around the city might be more boring and there are not many views. It has many advantages - e.g. you can ride your bike everywhere - but it never gets hilly.

8) Seriousness und humor

It’s not that much about Berlin but Germany in general.

Germans are much more serious than Czechs. In my world, everyone can make fun of everything, there are no borders to a joke as long as it’s not offensive against the joke’s recipient. However, black humor is usually not appreciated there and they probably won’t find your holocaust jokes funny.

German plan ahead and are less prone to spontaneous actions. They wouldn’t cross the road on the red light and when there are children around, they would get vocal and scream at you something like “Eeeey, es gibt Kinder hier!”.

I mean, they are right. It’s better to be organized and do the right things (duh). But they are often boring. My funniest stories are from drunk encounters in the streets doing silly stuff (probably the Slav in me talking). That is much less likely to happen in Berlin.

Germans are also definitely less adventurous and less outdoorsy. Then have their Kleingartenanlagen (allotment gardens) to go, they prefer hotels over tents, they shower more, they care more about illnesses, social topics, fellow-citizens, environment etc. They just care so much more about everything. Again, I think it’s the right thing to do but for me as a very carefree person, it gets annoying. Having similar people around who don’t care that much about “stuff either” is more convenient.

9) Club scene and drugs

Yep, I wrote it. Disclaimer: I am not a club person.

Even though Berlin is sometimes considered to be Europe’s capital for the club scene, I seriously didn’t enjoy the club scene. The main reason is the music. Everywhere plays the same electronic music with an excessive beat. And techno, a lot of techno. (and I don’t enjoy techno at all) People are not expected to dance but to have an epileptic seizure for hours.

And the music is super loud. You can not really talk you are there to dance. The clubs definitely have a unique vibe - however, I hate that vibe. Furthermore, parties usually start at 11 or 12, which is usually my bedtime. If I go to a club that late, I immediately start yawning and want to go home. (I guess now I am complaining about clubs in general, not Berlin’s nightlife)

Berlin’s club scene is partially connected to the drug culture of Berlin, which is very mainstream. People do take a lot of drugs, you can see drug dealers in every park. And people going to clubs are naturally more prone to taking them. I think it’s one of the reasons so many people in Berlin are depressed. This just sucks all the energy and serotonin. (I know it’s a bit contradictory with me defending alcohol in the previous points, but there are some limits to it)

Call me crazy but ballrooms where polka is played, the music is moderately loud and one can chill at the table, drink beer and chat with others is so much more fun! Then take the last bus at 12, drinks some water and have a normal next day.

There are of course many clubs in Berlin with different music styles, there are pop parties, metal clubs - I am sure one could find a fun club of one’s preference. I am talking more about the praised famous clubs like Berghain or KitKat.

There is a funny FB page Berlin Club Memes, it’s quite accurate. click here

10) Bars

I think it got mentioned before.

Let me cite AlexTheRat from a reddit post “Neukölln bars. Just buy an old room, build a wooden counter, and bring in some of the old furniture that is so readily available on the sidewalk. Finish the ambiance off with candles (electric lights to a minimum!) and cigarette smoke.”

This is so accurate. The bars are not cozy and the ambiance is not nice. There are either these Neukölln bars or the hipster ones with uncomfortable chairs, overpriced drinks, and trashy R&B music.

There are also bars I would enjoy, often called as Kiezkneipe, but then the people inside are usually old, loud and there is a football match in the TV.

Honorary Mentions:

• Everything is closed on Sunday.

• Bad customer service. A lot of ex-pats and people writing hate articles (I opened some) would mention rude people and poor customer service in general but I found them okay. I liked their honesty and that they do not pretend they like their shitty jobs.

• The weather. Winters are cold and rainy, usually with no snow, summers are hot and dry. But it’s not a big deal.

• Technology. You can’t pay with your card everywhere, the city is not very smart. I don’t care much though.

• Bureaucracy. It’s tough to get an appointment and not many things can be dealt with online. But it’s okay. If you don’t speak German you might struggle.

Summary

In general, Berlin is sought because of its vibrant culture and hedonistic lifestyle options, such as club or food scene.

With my relatively conservative lifestyle when I do not enjoy any of these activities, the price for it is just too high.

I am not very open-minded, I don’t care about food. I don’t go out for partying nor eating out. I love historical architecture and being out in nature. And I am not very well socially adjusted and prefer my old long-lasting relationships. Therefore, Berlin had for me very little to offer and I never got used to it.

If Berlin was a game, the difficulty would be set up as hard. I’m not talking about the economic factor - once you get a job and have somewhere to live, you won the life. But the social party is definitely not for everyone: finding a nice apartment in a nice neighborhood will be difficult. Finding friends possibly as well.

I have been living in Prague for a month and I like the city SO MUCH more. I’m not saying the city is better in general but it’s much better for me.

But it really is just about one’s taste. I do believe a lot of people love Berlin and the city is indeed a cool place. But one has to keep in mind, it’s not for everyone and I was one of the people who are better of somewhere else.

Pictures: I put quite random pictures in there I took when I came to Berlin. They are not really connected to the list. If you are interested in more memes, just google Berlin meme reddit, there is a lot of fun ones.